Dark, Doubt, Distance

Drink the past; Drink it down

A Man Who Tried to Swim
This is enough
That water in that river
Holds me underneath it
Boastful thoughts:
“I’ll be delivered”
This raft, broken off of a boat
It cannot hold me
Weighed down, it pulls me in
This is enough
Waves once below the surface
Bring me up, and salvage me
Think nothing above the surface
It will not hold me
Waves rolls fast away,
Push me under
This is enough
I’m a fish now, in the water
I mean— I breath beneath the surface
With a broken fin, and heavy body
I cannot hold me
This is enough
And, I was a man
Hurting, tired, but I was standing
I stood right, but I believe
That I could not hold me
That’s why
This is enough
A wave, a fish, a man
I’ll show you what is me
The raft that pulled me under,
The wave that made me floundered
Fish and man beneath the surface
But, it will hold me
This is enough
I will sink don’t try to raise me
Don’t send a broken raft out to salvage me
The sea is what becomes me
Sinking down to get away
A fish is meant to die
This way:
So hold me,
Hurt and hunt a drowned man.
“Break his legs so he can’t stand!”
Now, quiet
That is enough

Salting Away Verity
With an unyielding reliance 
On science as an unequivocal truth, 
We often condition ourselves to a deficit. 
For, abstracts and logic 
Often fold to contest 
The austere quandaries 
Of the human experience.

Evolution of the Mind
Anonymous Article:

Recently, I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, more commonly known as ADHD. Before I went to test for the disorder, I had suspicions about the impact it would have on my life.
1) I have probably always had it
2) Treatment would change my life

I was right on both accounts.

Many people today are coming to the same realization, and I often wonder if it sparks interest beyond the thought of "let me add this to the list of things wrong with me." I wonder this mostly because, there may not be anything wrong with me at all. At least, not in the way of most disorders seem to impact people's lives. I can speak to one-- Major Depressive Disorder, which almost took my life, ADHD was more of a revelation than a debilitative condition. I can live without treatment, and many people often do.

With that being said, why treat it?

Think of a busy street, in a big city. You take that street home, everyday, and notice many different things, most are the same. However, one day, you notice people, places, and things that you didn't before. You began to form ideas on the things you notice. You began to draw conclusions-- theories even. You are no longer preoccupied with getting where you're going. And, to top it off, because you notice everything you never paid attention to before, you also find a short-cut home.

The ADHD brain, I imagine is a lot like a busy street. The medication and treatments doctors prescribe, serve to make everyday a short-cut home. Ok, bad analogy. But, I have seen myself calmly think through tasks in minutes, which used to take me hours. And, if the thought got chased away by another thought, I wouldn't finish the task for days.

But, here is another notion: everyone suffers from a form of ADD/ADHD. Radio, television, the internet, and cell phones have made it difficult for any modern individual to focus. Our brains are constantly on the go, and we rarely stop, even when we sleep. On the positive side, however, our brains are now making intellectual leaps that we weren't able to take before.

What impact does this notion have on the brain? Well, many pro-technos would say that it has made the average brain smarter. A con to that is that the computers are thinking for us. But, I would say, only in the same way our parents did when we were children, or reading a book, or going to school.

The fact is this: technology has pushed the human brain to process at the speed of the machines we use daily. This has manifested itself in the form of ADD/ADHD. What happens when we unlock the disorder part of a high functioning brain, which is what ADHD has been proven to be? The intellectual capacity of the human mind could evolve beyond our imaginations, because of the impact of technology. If ADHD is the side-effect of this, we are on the cutting edge.

I disclaimer all of this by saying, I am not claiming to be smart, or brilliant. If think so, it is no one's business anyway, right? But, for the sake of argument, I cannot wait to see how the ADHD treatment will unlock my potential.


Wedding/ Lily
I would like to have a wedding planner to deal with all of the bullshit that I haven't done yet.

In other news, working on a HP fic with Remus/Lily and Severus as the main characters! I have part one done and am in serious need of a beta...

Don't you cry no more
Finally got through the Supernatural Series. It's been amazing. It kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time. What was great is that the Winchester boys never failed to keep me interested. I thought, "man a two character male cast! That's gonna get boring!" But, it didn't! Excellent writers and the compelling one-shot cast members were great!

I can't wait for next season!

Supernatural vs. Who
So now that I have gone on a temporary "Who" hiatus, I have been watching "Supernatural" to make up for the time. To say I have a new rival obsession would be a huge understatement. I love these boys! And I thought that the show would get boring fast. I mean, it's not like they have a huge cast of crazy volatile characters that are all screwing each other (not that I watch those shows).

However, in light of my lack of "Who," I revisited a show from series 2. And which one could it be? Yes, one of the few "supernatural" themed shows of all the series. "The Satan Pit."

Right now, me and Chris are in the beginning of season 4 of Supernatural, and I am well on my way of not being able to stop watching the show for a day (at least).

(no subject)
This song is so hard to get out of my head.

Airplanes Remix: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHjuyjY218E

"Who" and Ghosts
So, our server at a shisha bar this past weekend was a "Who" fan. Me, my fiance, and the server basically got in a huge discussion and he forgot about his job. lol! But, it was so great to talk to someone who loves it as much as we do. He even watches Torchwood (which, we are finding, takes guts!). Torchwood has make me confess my deepest secrets and worries and it's only been the first series!

What lingering ghosts have I here
That bide their time, stay near
Until I dream them away
But, with each passing day
I grow tired
Lay my head down- expired

What longing gaze have I
To look to the clearing sky
Until the clouds dissipate
I do not share their fate
I grow stronger
No need of ghosts any longer

-isy 5/2010

Finally got lj working on my phone!

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com

let me go
It never ceases to amaze me-- how my parents are so oblivious. Without going into detail, I have to say: I remember what it was like to be young and raised by them. I was stunted by them. I couldn't be myself. I couldn't have my own opinions. And, everything they did, was somehow linked to me.
I'm getting married. Soon-- that will all change. I've already started on the first part of my separation from them. Soon, they will be sorry for all of the reasons stated above.
Because, they decided to not relate to me- they decided to not let me be myself around them, have different opinions than them...they have alienated themselves from me. We have nothing in common. They saw fit to let me go.


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